Fungrola

So a few days later we was orf ter Fungrola for our ‘oneymoon. I’d booked it fer Reen as a surprise like end, she was over the moon abhet it.

We’ve ‘ad a week at the ‘otel Alopecia (wot means souf Spain) all in, end it was blindin’. Mind it weren’t wifout its own ahps end dahns. We was in the queue at Gatwick end some chavs was playin' up so I’ve ‘ad ter ‘ave a word like.

Then on the plane there’s an announcement put out thet “the pilot’s took a turn was feelin a bit dickey end could anybody lend the plane?” So I’ve went ahp there end although it’s a bit tricky, it was more or less like drivin’ a tenk what I did when I was a Desert Ret, so I’ve got us down like wifout too much fass end thet was thet.

The local TV in Fungrola end Sky wanted ter interview me but I weren’t interested end told ‘em not to make a big fing outta, it so it’s all blew over.


The Alopecia was great though, end even better, there was a pub across the road called the Queen Vic what was run by Steve end Dora from Dagenham. So any time we couldn’t eat the grab what the Alopecia dished ahp, we could nip over there end ‘ave roast beef end Yorkshires end all the trimmings. Lavverly.

Reen suggested thet we ‘ad some Spanish grab too, so one day we ‘ad Bonjella, a sort of fing wif rice end sheels in it. Mind I near broke me top set on one of the shells end they didn’t taste of much really. Anuvver day we ‘ad Tampax, a load of little nibbly bits end bobs end they were lavverly. Just like some of our grub at ‘ome; little meatballs and taters. Lavverly.

I had took me white suit from the weddin’ wif me end one day we went fer a ride in one of them ‘orse end carts what’s on the front. Thet was a bad move though cos the bleedin’ orse ‘ad the wind and blew out all over it. It was destroyed end Reen says thet even the best dry cleaners couldn’t save it. Mind I weren’t too sad cause I fought it made me look like a nonce. I ‘ad ter sling it in a bin and spend the rest of the day in me yellow mankini. Reen said it made me look great and everybody certainly was lookin at me. I jast weren’t too sure why.

Anuvver day we went ter Mingus, a little village ahp in the mountains end thet was nice. Lots a bleedin’ tourists though so we didn’t stay too long. Reen bought Mrs Dukes a little flamingo dancer fer the top of ‘er telly as a present so thet was nice.

Me and Reen won the karaoke in the Alopecia when we did a duet of “Sammer Lavin’” outta Grease. We brought the ‘ouse dahn end ‘ad a kebab ter celebrate arter the show. Spent next day in bed wif a jippy belly though, so we reckon it was the kebabs thet was manky.

Annuver night the ‘otel’s put on flamingo dancers and wine ter drink outta one of them fings wif a long spout on it. We was drenched baht it was a great fahn. Lavverly. Then the last night we went over ter the karaoke in The Queen Vic. I done “My Way” by ole Blue Eyes and Reen’s done “Poker Face” by some bint what’s called lady Ga-ga. She near done ‘erself a mischief doin all the dancing and thet and at one time the punters could see ‘er bloomers. Shocking it was.

Then it was time ter go back ter Lahndahn. We’re gonner ‘ave ter get used ter livin’ normal lives for a while as we couldn’t keep ahp wif these last few weeks. Mind it ‘as been fentestic end we’ll never forget it.

I’ll update this bog wif the pictures when I gets a chance.