The Charabanc Trip ter Margate

I ain't done me bog fer a while cos I've been busy and thet. But I gotta tell yer abahet the Charabanc trip ter Margate last week.

It was organised by Tarquin, the lehndlord from the Fevvers, end we 'ad quite a day. Old Ron was nicked by the Lawr for snortin' coke in the lavs, end my pel, Bert, spent alf 'is pension on one of the gels in Melon Sorbet, the lep dancing club what we went to on the trip.

A snap of a couple of gels from Melon Sorbet what I took on the BlackCurrant

Ron's been warned ter keep 'is nose clean in future and been let orf wif a warning and Bert's went dahn the Social ter claim an emergency payment ter make up fer the dosh he blew.

Still it all ended up OK in the end as the gels liked the miwls (Scampi or Plaice or Chicken in the basket) end the fellas enjoyed the floor show.

Mind 'ow yer go niah.

Charabancs and Silver Surfin'

I fink I told yer thet I'm on the committee what's organising the Fevvers Charabanc trip ter Margate didn't I?

Cor, what a bleedin' can a worms thet is. There's 30 of us and trying to get sammink that suits everybody's a bleedin' nightmare. It's not actually gettin' there thet's the problem, it's what are we all gonna do once we gets there.

See my pel Bert's 'eard abhet a lep dancing place called Melon Sorbet end 'e's all for thet. I serppose I am too cos Bert's give me a leaflet end it all looks nice. They does a nice menu too, scampi in the basket, chicken and chips and baked 'taters with various fillings. Lavverly. Trouble is Reen end the uvver girls what's coming on the trip's kickin orf saying thet it degrades women end thet we should be ashamed of ourselves. How a menu like thet degrades women I'll never know. But thet's women for yer ain't it.

Tarquin, Lehnlord of the Fevvers, says he wants it sorted out before 'e books the charabanc. He says thet 'e don't want ter go away on a trip where the atmosphere is iffy and 'as told us ter get it sorted at the next meeting ternight.

Since my boy Norman bought me a computer I've become a right proper Silver Surfer. I'm doin' this Bog fing and I does that Tooter fing too. I loves it all. I went inter a phone shop last week and signed up for one of them Blackcurrant fings and naih I can do me tootin' when I'm ahet and abhet wif Reen too.

Enny 'ow, mind how yer all go.

All in a day's work

Been a fairly normal day for an average Plucky Pensioner like me.

I likes to do me big shop of a Fursday so I've gorn to the ole in the wall and drew out a fiver last night. I ken get me shoppin and still ave some left over for a cuppa frothy coffee in Tarbucks yer see.

I goes dahn Tescoses early like, to beat the rush, when I notices that there's a bit of a blag goin on. Tescoses security mush 'as legged it and there's this geezer what's got a sawn-orf running dahn the line of cashiers givin' it it all "Put the money in the bag and nobody'll get 'urt".

I was a Desert Ret end I weren't gonna stand for all thet old malarkey so I schleps up behind the geezer end gets me arm round 'is neck - but he's broke free ain't he?

"You're gonna be sorry you done that you old git", he says. "I don't fink so sahn", I say, end then before he knows what's 'it 'im, I've kicked 'im in the nadgers proper 'ard and he's dropped like a sacka spuds. Then the security matey's shown up again, after all the 'ard work's done, and we've 'eld the geezer until the Lawr shows ahp.

The Menager's well chuffed and wants me ter talk ter the papers but I ain't interested. I 'ave to get up the Fevvers to meet wif Reen as we're getting the plans for the wedding sorted.

Naih I'm a simple bloke end don't want a fuss but Reen's decided she wants the works for this weddin'. So she's want us ter look into gettin' a Cinderella Coach and orses to take 'er to the church. Gawd knows what that'll cost but I bet it won't be cheap. I reckon it'll see orf most of me savings but Reen's wurf it. She's a right smasher.

She's been married free times previous end the most recent was to a minor Bollywood actor, Sanjeev Singh. When we went dahn our local curry 'ouse, The Bombay Mahal, Reen was tret like Royalty and thet surprised me 'cos I'd no idea she mixed in celebrity circles. She's dead modest. Mind I'll 'ave a lot to live up to naih. Raj, the owner, is insistin' thet we 'old our reception there and 'e's offered OAP rates so we're finking abhet it.





Reen's Cinderella Coach & orses what she's seen on the Internet.



We're thinking of eskin' my mate, Bert, ter be best mehn and maybe Mrs Dukes, the widda woman from across my lhendin, to be Matron of Honour. Reen ain't too sure abhet thet though; she knows thet I had me eye on Mrs Dukes until recently. Matter of fact Bert and me come ter blows over it though but it's all sorted naih. 'E's gonna deny anyfing 'appened if the Lawr tries ter do me for ABH. 'E's a true mucker Bert is, a right diamond. But you know what they say - the course of true love never runs smoove.

My Reen

Here's my Gel Reen. She's a proper Brahma ain't she? This is taken in our local, The Fevvers, were we like to come after a trip dahn the park.

I normally has a Guinness and Reen's a port and lemon.

Ding Dong the bells are gonna chime

Fenks for taking time to read me bog.

I suppose I aughter start somewhere so here goes. I'm the Plucky Pensioner, thet's me in the photo, and I'm 85. I live on me own naih since my Lizzie died 8 years ago. I'd 'ave ter say thet it ain't been easy since then but I manage.

I live on the 10th floor of a block of flets sarf of the river. I serpose people calls me plucky because I've been known to 'ave the odd go when fings is kickin' off.

I spends me day dahn the precinct or if the wevver's nice, say in the Sammer, I goes up the park to feed the ducks and thet. I have a few mates what's still arhend too. There's Reg, he was in the Army wif me, we was both Desert Rets, and there's Bert too.

Bert's been a forn in my side ter tell the truf and jast lately he's been my arch-rival as we both 'ad our eye on Mrs Dukes, the widda woman what live across the lhendin from me.

We come to blows over her recently when Bert's accused me of trifling wif her infections. I stuck the nut on 'im and naih the Law might be goin ter do me for ABH. Mind me and Bert's made it up and we 'ope thet thet's the end of it.

Since my Liz went I've been knocking around wif Reene Cooper (Reen) and she's smeshin'. We frequently goes up the park and thet together and the odd time we goes inter the precinct, and if we feels flush, we might get a couple a cups of fuzzy coffee in thet Tarbucks. Mind it costs a bob or two so we don't do thet too often.

I'd never considered Reen as anyfing uvver then a friend and companion until recently and to tell the truf, thet's why I'm doing this on line gubbins what yer readin' naih. Cos we's just announced thet we are gonna be wed and this Bog fing's is gonna tell the story of thet as it unfolds. I decided that Mrs Dukes was a moment of madness and as far as I'm concerned she end Bert can crack on wif it. Reen's my gel naih.